How to Turn the Sound on Your Phone Off: A Self-Help Guide for Fuckwits

Are you sitting on public transport watching a stupid fucking video on full volume? Maybe you’re on a plane and you’re watching a two-hour movie without headphones? Or perhaps you’re on a packed train having a conversation with your daughter about her upcoming hysterectomy and you’ve got speaker phone on.

Whoops! Looks like you don’t know how to use your phone!

Don’t worry, there are two very simple things you can do to use your phone like a normal fucking human being who considers the people around them.

Option 1: Turn down the volume

You probably haven’t noticed it before, but your phone has a special in-built volume control that you can adjust yourself using your finger. Brilliant!

On iPhones the volume buttons are on the left side of your phone. On Samsung phones and other brands, they’re often on the right. Take a moment to see where the volume button is on your phone.

Volume buttons can be tricky to find!


Once you’ve located the button simply move your finger towards it and press it, making sure the little volume icon goes all the way down to zero.


Option 2: Use headphones

You might’ve seen other people around you with little plugs in their ears, or wearing a larger padded device over the top of their ears. These are called ‘headphones’. These brilliant devices allow users to hear the sound coming from their phone while those around them – get this – can’t hear anything. Amazing!

This means you can still get the full enjoyment from that 6-second video you’re playing on loop, but without being an absolute twat.

Are headphone hard to find? Not at all! They’re widely available in service stations, newsagents, electronics stores, as well as on the internet. Now that you know what they are, you’ll start to see them everywhere!

A woman demonstrates how to use earbuds.


So there you go. Two simple options to consider the next time you get your phone out in a public place. Because while you might think that other people want to hear your music or listen in your conversation … they don’t!

Ok. Off you fuck!

The post How to Turn the Sound on Your Phone Off: A Self-Help Guide for Fuckwits appeared first on The Shovel.

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