Drying Danube River Reveals Thriving Underwater Society Of Nazis
PRAHOVO, SERBIA—Along a stretch of the Danube where German warships were sunk in World War II, water levels have dropped to their lowest levels in nearly a century, revealing what sources described Wednesday as a thriving underwater society of Nazis. “Climate change has unfortunately worsened this year’s drought to the point where we can now look out into the river and see this bustling society of aquatic antisemites who live and work in a self-sustaining community once concealed by water,” said Zoran Petrovich, an environmental historian from a nearby Serbian village who explained how the 1944 retreat up the Danube by the Third Reich’s Black Sea fleet ended with Nazis evolving gills and using the wreckage of their sunken flotilla to build fortresses beneath the rushing current. “We know the effects of global warming are dire when a once vibrant, fast-flowing river now has a flourishing civilization of uniformed Aryan fascists swimming around on full display. You can see them sieg-heiling through the surface with their webbed fingers. It’s hard to overestimate the ecological impact of these amphibious Kriegsmarine descendants all farming, trading, and training with the intention of one day waging war to establish a racially pure river habitat.” At press time, local conservationists confirmed that the river Nazis had begun operating salmon concentration camps.